Fuel Stop

Tay and I were strolling the aisles of the warehouse store, stocking up on his usual staples like Kraft Macaroni and Cheese and Mountain Dew. These are Taylor’s version of the Breakfast of Champions. We turned down the soft drink aisle to and found a woman sampling energy drinks. I don’t remember the name of the product, but it was something more appropriate for rocket fuel, like Mega X5000.

“Would you like to try this new energy drink?” the woman asked. “It’s loaded with sugar, carbohydrates and caffeine,” she enthused.

Loaded with sugar, carbohydrates and caffeine? These are all things I go out of my way to avoid. If they could just add tar and nicotine, it would be a perfect cocktail of legalized things I don’t want in my system. And it costs about $2 a can.

I picked up a case of the antithesis drink, Caffeine Free Diet Coke. But I don’t feel too smug. Although it has no sugar, carbohydrates or caffeine, it’s probably every bit as unhealthy in its own way.

No Breakfast at Tiffany's

I was walking on the sidewalk of Kierland Commons, when a woman with an accent stopped to ask me directions to Tiffany’s.

You know you’re in Scottsdale when strangers ask how to get to Tiffany’s. Even in Ahwatukee, I am much more likely to be asked directions to Target.

I thought it was interesting that she had picked me to ask, especially as I was wearing no jewelry! But she chose correctly as I did, in fact, know how to get to the closest Tiffany’s. (It's inside Scottsdale Fashion Square which is south on Scottsdale Road.) It’s not often I get to channel my Inner Holly Golightly.

Like Holly, I never buy anything at Tiffany’s. If I were in the market for some bling, I’d hop Cathay Pacific to Hong Kong to go to Mariane's. It’s way more fun. At Tiffany’s you are greeted by a doorman, hired for his snooty demeanor. At Mariane’s you are greeted by Mariane with free beers for the grownups and soft drinks for the kids. This is a welcome relief to the unbearable heat and humidity outside.

Even if you haven’t been to her shop in years, Mariane will flip through her Rolodex-like brain to come up with your name. It's a small shop but anything Tiffany’s has, Mariane can have made. Of course, you don’t get the little Tiffany’s label and you don’t get that cool turquoise box. But you do save enough money at Mariane's to cover a nice vacation (including airfare) in Hong Kong. As far as perks, that beats any box.

After shaking myself out of my mental detour to Hong Kong, I continued walking to Sur Le Table. Sur Le Table is a gourmet cooking supply store. Their Kierland Commands store has a kitchen where they offer cooking classes. I had signed up for the Basic Knives Skill seminar that evening. While they usually offer classes on things like Vegetarian Thai Night or Coctail Party Hors D'oeuvres Night, they added basic skills classes when they couldn’t help but notice how many of their aspiring gourmet cooking homemakers couldn’t cut up a tomato without major risk of hitting an artery in the process.

While I had so far managed not to slice any of my fingers off at home, I did notice that my prep time was routinely DOUBLE whatever the recipe stated.

The class was conducted by a very nice culinary school chef who first spoke about various types of knives. Of course, she promoted the high-end knives sold by, surprise, surprise, Sur Le Table. (Tonight only, here’s a coupon for 15 percent off!) I was not to even THINK about those cheesy knives you buy in blocks at Costco or, heaven forbid, ordered from the Cutco rep. I was suddenly glad I hadn’t had a chance to ask about those plastic vegetables choppers. I’m sure I would have been asked to leave the class in disgrace.

We also got to see the Ferrari of cutting tools, a shiny stainless steel mandolin slicer (on special for $375). After the requisite time at the knife display, the chef took us back into the classroom kitchen where we washed up, donned our white aprons and started chopping.

We spent the next hour learning how to cut, producing pounds of matchstick carrots, diced onions, minced parsley, and completely skinned orange slices–which the chef mixed into two pretty nice salads that we ate at the end of class.

It turns out I had a myriad of issues:

1. My 8” chef’s knife was WAY too big for my hands.

2. My knives were dangerously dull and I had to be extra careful.

3. I was using the wrong cutting techniques.

In other words, my current knife skills were about as effective as using a child’s safety scissors to chop vegetables.

We learned so many knife safety techniques I felt I deserved a merit badge. How do you catch a dropped knife? The answer is: You don’t. Let it hit.

The next day, I sharpened my knives, choked up on my 8” chef knife for a better hold and practiced all my new techniques by chopping vegetables for lentil soup. I’m not ready for Iron Chef, but I am a little faster and a lot more precise. Just a cut above, you might say.

Men in Black

Photo left: The Night Stalker in the required black attire.

Taylor has taken a summer job as a vampire. His official title is Night Stalker (night stocker) at a grocery store chain.

First of all he keeps vampire hours. He’s goes to work about 11 p.m. and doesn’t come home until dawn. He admitted he liked the fact that he could now sleep until noon and I wouldn’t complain.

And when he does comes home, he’s hungry for blood! Well, not blood, exactly. But certainly protein. I fix him a huge breakfast which this morning included Italian sausages, eggs and waffles. Afterwards, he shuns the daylight, retiring into his coffin of a room with all the shades drawn.

He is exhausted (you might even say "dead" tired) because, as he told me, he has the Hardest Job in the World. Gee, I thought that was motherhood.

Because he’s spent every summer overseas, this is Tay’s first job. I consider him lucky to have landed a job at all. This is the worst recorded period ever for summer employment for kids.

But few of them are living in Ahwatukee. Ahwatukee is the area of Phoenix where my house is located. It is bordered to the north by the beautiful South Mountain Park, on the east by the not-so beautiful Interstate-10, and on the south and west by the Gila River tribal lands. Due to lack of access points, Ahwatukee has been called the world’s largest cul-de-sac. (If we were a building, some fire marshall would have closed us for insufficient escape routes.)

While Ahwatukee is no North Scottsdale (Snobsdale), it is affluent enough that retailers here have to pay their hourly workers a premium. Taylor’s store pays an extra dollar an hour. While Tay may refer to this area as “Ah-wa-Kiss-My-Tukee,” he's not complaining. After all, a vampires gotta eat.

Photo right: Ahwatukee, the world's largest cul-de-sac and current home to my favorite Night Stocker.