Brown Sugar Blues

Our Christmas break in Utah has been good. Skiing is a much more fun than trying to figure out how to get my voice mail prompts on my new cellphone changed from Russian to English.

I love skiing. It's probably the closest I will ever come to flying. Best of all, I get to share it with my family in the midst of gorgeous scenery.

David, very optimistically, took us out into the deep powder off trail, where at any one time, about half our party was down. He quickly saw we weren't ready for the fun stuff quite yet.

Taylor was the endurance champ in our family, skiing four straight days, and still having enough energy left to think that a couple of sets of tennis would be a great apres-ski activity.

My sister-in-law Kim who would rather spend her money shopping than skiing, gradually took over more of the cooking. A Louisiana native, Kim can take a couple of cans of this and a packet of that and produce a dish that tastes as if she's been in the kitchen roasting and grounding all day.

Mom, Brenda, Kim and I took one day to hit the Outlet Mall where I spent my day's lift ticket money on discounted Estee Lauder at the Cosmetics Store. We are optimistically taking our ski clothes back with us to Moscow, which leaves very little room in our suitcases. My purchase decisions now are more heavily influenced by weight and volume, than by cost. This means I can buy all the expensive makeup I want, but have to rethink how much brown sugar I can buy.

Santa and Me

With my jet lag, Santa Claus and I seem to be keeping the same hours!

It's 5 a.m. Christmas morning and I'm looking out the kitchen window at the lights overlooking Salt Lake City. Apparently, I am not the only one in my family who's a sucker for a home with a view. My sister and her husband live on a hill and I can see the Mormon Temple aglow in lights.

I think it's a sad measure of my life in Moscow that I've ENJOYED using my sister's full-size washer and dryer, marveling on how quickly I can do mass quantitites of clothes and how soft they are after coming out of the dryer.

With 13 of us here, there are hundreds of presents under the tree. So far, the dog has not eaten any of them.

This is our first Christmas after losing my dad. Brenda accidentally set a place for him at dinner last night. We had our traditional Christmas eve lasagne dinner, although this year we purchased it from a gourmet Italian store. I made garlic bread while Larry and mom made a tossed green salad, which I topped with a basalmic vinegar dressing using my friend, Ivette's recipe.

I also bought a buche de Noel with marizpan holly and berries, and merrange mushrooms. It looked spectacular but tasted only okay. It was really more of a photo opportuntity than a dessert. We still have leftover lemon curd poundcake Mom and I made from my sister's birthday dinner the night before. With all the sweets people brought, (I provided Russian chocolates from the Red October Chocolate Factory), we are floating in sugar. This makes it a traditional Case Family Christmas.

Poisoned by Chocolate

I finished my limited Christmas shopping yesterday. It was nice to be checked out by people who were actually pleasant to you.

In Moscow, the average sales clerk is, at best, perfunctory, and I've actually been yelled at. There are different endings to the word crescant depending on if you want one crescant, two through five crescents, more than five crescents, or an unspecified bunch of crescants. I had felt quite proud as I had ordered four crescants using the correct ending. But when I didn't understand the clerk's exasperated response, she let me have it. I didn't need to speak Russian to see I was just a complete loser of a customer to her.

Speaking of Moscow, I also picked up a few things I needed to take back: an oven thermometer, decent dust pan and Scotch Tape. Our major stock up shopping, which includes things like pens, brown sugar and shortening will wait until after Christmas.

Brenda's new dog ate all the candy I bought to put in Larry's stocking! One of us left the door open to our bedroom, and she tore into one of the plastic sacks. The candy, of course, is easily replaceable but I terrified we'd poisoned their dog with chocolate! Luckily, she was okay.

Sky Kings

We flew halfway around the world yesterday, accompanied by the worst in contemporary American films. For our 14 hours of entertainment, Delta had selected bad films from every category: "Cat Woman," "The Cinderella Story," and "Elf."

With all these jaunts between the U.S. and Moscow, Larry, Tay and I are all Silver Medallion level. When Larry called about free upgrades for the domestic portion of our trip, the five hour flight from JFK to Salt Lake, there was only one seat left in first class. Larry turned it down. The rest of the family immediately made him call back and grab it for himself. There's no reason to be noble when one can get out of coach!

We had a two hour layover at JFK, but that was barely enough time. Getting our bags, walking through customs and then waiting in a very long line to put them back on a conveyor belt chewed up more than an hour.

I was so exhausted, I slept through most of the last flight, wearing my down coat to keep warm. (Why are airlines so cold?) Brenda and David brought two cars to the airport to drag home us, our five pieces of hand luggage (including three Dell laptop commuters) and five large suitcases. For the four us, this is traveling light.

Tours D'Jour

I am sitting at the gate of the Moscow airport, listening to the babies cry. Couples adopting Russian children often take this flight which goes directly from Moscow to JFK. While traveling is hard on all babies, it is particularly difficult for these babies who are about nine months to a year old. They are flying in the care of virtual strangers, their new parents, who have not yet figured out how to comfort them. Luckily, the babies usually exhaust themselves crying at the airport and fall into an exhausted sleep for most of the 8.5 hour flight.

Yesterday, my own grownup baby, Alec, took the Kremlin tour. At the tour office, the guide overheard us discussing where to meet afterwards and she volunteered to walk him over to Gum, the upscale shopping center. Taylor and I met them at the base of the 50 foot Christmas tree which was beautifully decorated all with Swarkoff crystal icicles.

The boys and I had pastries and drinks at a café in the middle of the mall (total bill $25). Alec had enjoyed his morning tour very much. It is full of historical, architectural and artistic treasures, including wonderful Faberge eggs. However, with four hours of constant walking, it is only for those with a lot of stamina and an equally big interest in history and art. Alec, of course, qualified on both counts.

The three of us signed up for the afternoon city bus tour with the same company. Our tour guide was Felix, who had conducted Alec and me around the Metro the day before. The company’s brochure cover showed this lovely full-sized tour bus, which would be impossible to maneuver around the streets. Instead, they loaded the 10 of us onto a 15-person Mercedes van.

I really enjoyed the bus tour. They took us by many landmarks I’d already seen, stopping to let us out at places that provided wonderful photo opportunities. We drove by several of the forbidding Stalinist “Seven Sister” skyscrapers. Stalin had wanted to create his own fortresses like the Kremlin all over town. He only completed seven of them before dying.

As we live down the street from the most beautiful of the Seven Sisters, the Ukrane Hotel, the bus drove right by our building. Felix, who had met us there yesterday, dutifully pointed it out, “Three people on the bus live in the building to your left.” Along with a view of the Moscow River, two of the Seven Sisters are visible from my front windows. You can see a third, the Ukraine Hotel, from the back out from the right angle.

The tour ended at 5 p.m.in Red Square, very close to St. Basil’s Cathedral, which was beautifully illuminated. (This time of year, the sun goes down around 4 p.m.)

On our way home, we stopped off at my local market to buy some chocolate from the Red October Chocolate Factory. During his Kremlin tour, Alec could smell the chocolate at the nearby factory. I figured out the translation for dark chocolate and he bought a big bar for about 80 cents.

We had wonderful pork chops for dinner which I prepared using the confection features of my oven, along with baked apples, green salad and fried potatoes. (My Atkins Diet has completely bitten the dust as I’ve struggled to figure out grocery shopping and cooking here.)

After dinner, we tried the chocolate, some of the best I’ve ever eaten. Europeans just know how to do chocolate. Alec was so impressed he went back to the store this morning to stock up.

While he was gone, Taylor cranked up Springsteen’s “Born in the U.S.A.” on his new stereo. I put my checkbook and my sunglasses back in my purse. Thus fortified, we’re ready for America.

Styling with Stalin

I arranged a tour of the subway system. We had used the same company in September to take their standard group tour of the Kremlin. Then we paid $30 a head to be a part of a crowd of about 20 people.

After living here, I found out they do private tours for $14 an hour per group. You tell them where you want to go. For suggested itineries, see http://www.russiatravel-pdtours.netfirms.com/sched.htm

Our guide, a very knowledgable English speaker who looked as if he should be a collector for the mafia, met us outside my buiding entrance. At one point, he pointed out the Bolshoy Theater, just outside of one Metro entrance. It wasn't on the tour, but we decided we wanted a closer look and left the station to explore the square which also included the Metropole Hotel, a statue of Marx and a some buiding designed by Mackintosh, a Scottish architect with whom Alec was familiar.

The Metro Stations were built by Stalin to be palaces for the people. Many of them are extraordinary, full of beautiful and highly propagandist art work in various media including bronze statues, stained glass, paintings and mossaics. I was particulary struck by a bronze statue of a woman with a fat chicken. This was built in a time when much of the country was starving. Since there was food in Moscow, most of the population here didn't know how badly off everyone else was. They weren't allowed to leave town and the media was highly controlled.

After the Metro, I went to the expensive Finnish expat store, where they had grilled chickens on sale for $5. I snatched that up, along with some brown mushrooms which were on sale for $1.50 and some crescants from the bakery. I already had some lettuce, which is sold with the roots in pots, at home as the basis for a salad.

After dinner, we took the Metro to Red Square. Red means beautiful in Russian. The name has nothing to do with Soviets. It was certainly beautiful at night with the red walls and towers of the Kremlin on one side, anchored by spectacular St. Basils Catherdral. On the other side of the square is Gum, a huge mall which was built by joining together pre-revolutionary buildings. Alec said it was the most beautiful mall he'd ever seen. Of course, there's no Gap, no Pizza Hut and no department stores. There's just little boutiques selling furs and other very high ticket items.

We topped off the day by watching a disk of "Troy" on my computer and ate overpriced but very good German icecream.

A Little Lamb

Our reunited family rode the Metro to the tourist market. Alec bought a lacquer box with a Russian fairy tale scene (sold by a lady who showed us a picture of herself and Laura Bush) and a couple of Red Army hats as gifts. I picked up just a few things for folks back home.

After weeks of looking at lacquer boxes, I now can recognize good quality at a fair price. While I love these boxes, I’m not dragging a bunch of them back. The problem with buying local handicrafts for gifts is that you just cannot predict what someone else is going to like. The fabulous piece you spent hours scouring the market for is just as likely to end up in the bottom of a closet while the cheap tchosky you bought on the way out is a declared a wonderful treasure. I’ve decided people can just come visit me here and pick out their own stuff!

The Metro was packed coming back. We were tightly jammed in for a couple of stops, giving Alec the true Moscow Metro experience. Then the guys went to the electronics market while I stayed home and did laundry.

For dinner we went back to the Azerbaijani restaurant where the large party next to us was having a banquet. This featured a whole grilled lamb including the head and pepper ears as the centerpiece. I had ordered the mutton ravioli which arrived in the form of a soup. It was all a bit greasy so I was glad they brought us sticks of Juicy Fruit along with the check. (Cash only but not expensive.)

We came back to the apartment and watched “The Incredibles” on my computer. Television in English is pretty limited in Moscow. While ironing earlier today, the two movies on TV were a Western starring the Marx Brothers and a movie starring Loretta Young and Edward G. Robinson. The only unifying characteristic is that the newest of the movies on TV are 50 years old. No wonder we watch a lot of CNN.

Tootsie Rolls

Alec arrived yesterday! As it is 1.5 hours to the airport each way, picking him up took most of the day. After the 14 hour flights from Beijing to Chicago, the 8.5 hour flight from JFK to Moscow seemed sort of short!

He brought us Tootsie Rolls, which like most American candies, aren't available here. In honor of his arrival, the dishwasher started flooding again.

I had a terrible sinus headache, so we headed off to the drug store. I pantamined sinus headache to the clerk, who handed me some tablets. I bought them but decided against taking them. Talented as I am in charades, the clerk may have interpretted my actions to mean, "I can't stand the pain. Please give me something with which to kill myself."

I made chili for dinner using $20 worth of ground pork. (Hamberger is equally expensive.) After starting, I realized I hade no chili powder, so I had to make my own. I ended up using too many red pepper flakes so it was very hot and not very flavorful.

In general, the meat here, while outrageously expensive, is excellent. It is tender and bursting with flavor. It was the same in China. What do they do to meat in the U.S. to make it so bland and dry?

No Black Socks

I've done five loads of laundry in the past two days. A load here is about a fourth the size of a full-size washer. I literally put in two sheets and it's full. I would have done more loads, but I ran out of spaces to hang the stuff to dry. I washed our sheets and laid them on a clothing rack to dry. At 10 p.m., they were still damp so I took the blow dryer to finish them off so I could put them back on the bed.

There is no sign of the Electrolux dryer I ordered two weeks ago. I think they must be assembling it in Siberia and shipping it over via dogsled.

Larry was out of black socks this morning. "I have six pairs and none are clean?" he asked. In the past two days, I've gotten a good 60% of our dirty clothes washed but Larry's black socks must have been hiding out.

I am interviewing maids who will also do laundry. The first interview of a woman recommended by another expat did not go well. She doesn't iron, didn't want to change the sheets, charged double the going rate (the going rate is $4 an hour) and speaks no English. She thought it would take her just as long to clean my half-empty 160 square meter apartment as my friends' fully-furnished 240 square meter one. Upon finishing her shift, she fixes her hair with a load of hairspray before going out. As Larry is sensitive to carpet freshener scents, this alone nixes her.

I am interviewing another woman after Christmas who is cheaper and seems more cooperative. It's not tough to find housecleaners as people always want to work for Americans as we are comparitively cushy employers who feel guilty if we aren't paying at least $5 an hour.

Further on the domestic front, the microwave was replaced and the doorbell is now fixed. As one of my 10 Russian phrases was, "The doorbell is broken," I will have to learn something else to say.

On the Line

I finally got a cellphone yesterday, a process only slightly more onerous than buying a car with financing in the U.S. I went to a neighborhood phone store, a place about 10 x 20 feet. You first purchase the phone and then choose a provider. They had to scan my passport and send it to two places and made me sign six forms (all in Russian). As I own the phone and have to pay in advance for every drop of service every month, I wonder why all the security. It took about 90 minutes to complete the transaction. Even then, I would have to go back to have someone switch my voice mail directions from Russian to English.

They could not tell me my phone number. I had to wait two hours for my Sim card to be activated and then call and I could hear my phone number in Russian. Instead, I called Taylor's cell who read off my 10 digit number in English from his display. Our home phone number, which came with the apartment, is only five digits.

I went back to the phone store today and waited an hour until they determined they couldn't switch my voice mail to English. They gave me a number to call and sent me away. The number has been busy.

Having spent 2.5 hours in the last two days waiting around in the tiny phone store, waiting around the apartment doesn't seem so bad in comparison.

I was suppose to get a Honeywell driver and go to Mega Mall tomorrow to stock up at the huge supermarket there. Unfortunately, they had higher business priorities than making sure I got mayonnaise so I got cancelled. I was also planning on going to Ikea to buy a free standing towel rack. We will have four people using our bathroom when Alec gets here and room to hang up one towel.

But there's good news. Along with having a cellphone, I also have a functioning washing machine and dishwasher. Larry's Western approach worked. The privacy curtains on the bedroom doors are installed and the curtains for the windows are here. The landlady's mom would have put them up but I assured her I would do it. At the rate she put up the privacy curtains, she would have literally still been here at midnight.

No dryer, no microwave, no doorbell. But that's for another day.

Getting Western with the Landlord

One of our last remaining functioning major appliances, the dishwasher flooded the kitchen last night. So I will be hand washing dishes along with the clothes.

Larry has opted to get Western, i.e., nasty and demanding, with the landlord. They've had two weeks to address our litany of complaints: broken doorbell, broken washing machine, broken microwave, no curtains, no privacy curtains on bedroom doors, no gate remote and the chandeliers still need replacing. They've measured and poked around, but we have essentially had no results on any of these.

Alec is coming Friday and I sent a towel out to be dry cleaned so he can take a shower! Ah, well. Taylor turned up safe. We can deal with everything else.

No Left Turn

Today I picked up the items I bought from Deborah. She lives off the Garden Ring so Larry and I set off by car for another navigational adventure. We missed her turnoff and went all the way around the ring again and then missed it a second time. It was like being stuck on a rollercoaster that keeps cycling around.

I navigate here mostly by landmarks as street signs are hard to find or nonexistent. Even if I can find them, by the time I translate them from Cyrillic, we’ve missed the turnoff. And if you know precisely where something is, you can’t get there because there are one-way streets that change weekly. Also in Russia, they really don’t believe in left turns and U-turns are only legal once every 10 kilometers or so.

It took us an hour to get there, but worth it. I picked up a vacuum, a really good food processor, a hand mixer, two clock radios and a portable metal clothes rack. She also gave us a jade plant, 2 unopened bottles of good Scotch, cleaning supplies, and a basket of assorted house slippers for guests. She also gave us our choice of DVDs and we picked out about 30. As we didn’t have to turn left, we made it home in 12 minutes.

Reclining

The rest of the rental furniture arrived yesterday. It was five days late. While I was expecting the two night stands and small chest of drawers, I was surprised when they hauled up a new leather recliner. (It matches the fold-out sofa and chair they brought last week.)

I didn't realized we'd ordered a recliner but I kept it anyway. I'm sure with our $900 monthly furniture rental fee (no refunds), we are paying for it.

Today is a Russian holiday. It is Constitution Day, the end of Communism. They also have a holiday earlier in the year celebrating the Communist revoltion. So essentially they have holidays celebrating the founding and the demise of the communist party. They are working on revamping their holiday schedule now.

We Lose Taylor

Due to a series of mistakes by both Taylor and me, we lost him for four hours yesterday. It was, by far, the most horrible experience I've had in a foreign country and possibly anywhere.

After driving around for hours, Larry and I gave up trying to find Rosinka, where we thought Taylor was. Larry phoned one of the Honeywell staff and they mobilized the entire security staff at Rosinka. Finally after many long hours, Taylor phoned to tell us he was on his way back with a friends' mom in a taxi. He'd been safe and secure the entire time.

Earlier, we'd been having a very good shopping day. Larry and I went to Gorbuska, the electronics market. It is about a 15 minute Metro ride, but due to traffic, it took us an hour by car. We got converter plugs, a Laser printer, and some cheap computer speakers so I can play music C.D.s. We also bought a cordless phone with answering machine. We selected the model, in part, because the instructions and the symbols on the phone were in English!

After Taylor made it back, we put on a calming Windom Hill Winter Solistice disk. Christmas is my favorite holiday, but it's a luxury I don't have time for this year yet. We'll be taking Alec to the Ismalovo Market and I will pick up some handicrafts there. Everything else will have to wait until I get to the U.S. on the 21st. As skiing in Salt Lake is their big present, I'm not buying the boys too much. Christmas activities I usually enjoy like decorating the house, baking cookies and sending cards will just have to wait until next year!

The Theory of Cheesecake Cracks

I love expat women. In addition to fearlessly conquoring new worlds, they can entertain like regional variations of Martha Stewart. Diane and Eric invited us and John and Sara over last night. All three of us women had theories on the best way to keep the top of cheesecake from cracking.

Sara had brought a wonderful cheeseball with blueberries she made. She also brought the Southern Living Magazine's cover's Christmas cake, which she makes every year. Diane had a lovely spread including shrimp, hot artichoke dip and spinach dip. For the second time this week I was sipping champagne.

Since I have not yet stocked my kitchen with groceries, we brought wine. This was not inconvenient. It is a five minute walk from Diane's building entrance to mine. Of the five small shops on the way, one is a liquor store and one is a wine shop.

We were suppose to watch a disk of "It's a Wonderful Life," but being typical expats, we talked over the whole thing.

Taylor spent the night with a friend out in the suburbs of Rosinka. Rosinka is a big expat complex surrounded by a wooded area, 1 to 2 hours out of the city. It reminds me a lot of Beijing Riviera, except with townhouses. It has a wonderful fitness center with a restaurant, hair salon, tennis courts, pool, Internet cafe, small grocery etc. Other inducements include large townhouses (up to 300 sq. meters) with full-sized washers and driers, which I saw nowhere else, and an English-speaking management. It is home to a good 60% of Taylor's high school friends. Of course, now, they all want to go into town every weekend, so his social life hasn't suffered too much.

Hallo Mama

The Internet guys, who stood me up Tuesday, and the cable guy both showed up at the same time today. They were here for two hours getting me installed, collected a pile of money and left. My apartment smells like Russian workers as these guys are seriously defective in deodorant.

Since it is polite to remove your shoes in someone’s home here, they padded around in our leftover Golden Ring Hotel cheap slippers. I had to sign about five papers for each of them, all duly stamped and completely in Russian. I am suppose to get a time for the washing machine repair person but with both cable and Internet installed today, it’s been a red letter day already.

Yesterday, our Settling In service sent Anna, a Russian speaker, to meet me at the Metro yesterday and take me to the cellphone store. Unfortunately, I couldn’t establish service as I didn’t have my passport and residency card with me. (Larry needed them for registration.) Anna did help me buy a long distance phone card at a kiosk in the street. She briefly reviewed how to work the card with me, including the proper time in the sequence to switch your phone from pulse to tone.

I didn’t think I could replicate the sequence from memory later, but never underestimate a woman with the power of cheap long distance. I got through the first time, leaving a message on my mom’s answering machine. The phone card is called “Hallo Mama.”

With a blizzard raging outside (so much for the “warm” weather) and Internet, cable and a phone card inside, I may never leave the apartment!

Champagne with the Ambassador

Larry and I went to the AWO Christmas party last night at the American ambassador’s residence. We had to show our passports at the gate, be checked off against the pre-approved list and go through a metal detector before being admitted.

It was quite the place. We wandered through the ballroom and the formal dining room, which probably seated 40, sipping California champagne and choosing from among a tasty variety of hot hors dervs served by waiters on silver trays. Most of the 150 guests congregated in the reception areas which were flanked by three 24-foot Christmas trees.

I wore a full-length ranch mink coat, my diamond necklace and diamond earrings (total value of these accessories: $20,000). I paired them with a simple black velvet dress I had traded my friend, Sharon, for when we both lived in Beijing years ago (total price: one used blow drier).

Practially everyone I had met in Moscow was there. After I was recited my list of broken things in my apartment, the guy who runs Caterpillar here, trumped me because his roof was leaking into his apartment. It turns out he lives in the House on the Embankment across from the Kremlin. (This is the place where high officials lived during the Stalin era. It is also where Stalin had many of these same people arrested in the middle of the night!)

Moscow has been blessed with "warm" weather. The snow is melting and we can hear clumps of it falling off the roof at night. Usually, I dress to go out by putting on a set of long underwear, wool pants, warm sweater, heavy socks, snow boots, heavy full-length coat, hat, scarf and thick gloves. In the relatively tropical respite Moscow is now enjoying, I can blithely just throw a heavy coat, hat and gloves over my indoor clothes and be on my way.

I Conquer the Salon

Today, I found the Expat hair salon. I got off at one of the recommended Metro stations, but couldn’t find any recognizable street signs or landmarks. (I need to buy a compass!) Once again, I had no clue how to get to where I needed to be. I longed to give up, slink back to the apartment, crawl into bed, and pull the covers over my head.

For lack of a better idea, I followed the crowd, who were mostly heading one direction. After about two blocks, I breathed a sigh of relief when I spotted the Reebok Store, a point of reference on the map on the salon flyer I was using to navigate.

Turning down the street by the Reebok store, I went a block and a half and noticed a sign indicating the side street I was looking for. I followed the building numbers around until I found it, giving me a great feeling of accomplishment. They buzzed me in, greeted me and gave me coffee and chocolate. (Lots of places here give you chocolate with your coffee, and it’s almost always dark chocolate, which I love.)

Most of the employees spoke English and I even got to read a Nov. 1 issue of US Magazine. While I really don’t care if Angelino Jolie and Billie Bob Thorton get back together again, I enjoyed a brief respite from all things foreign all the time.

Of course, my hair cut was too short and my hair color was too red, but that didn’t diminish my feeling of accomplishment.

The Internet Man Cometh

I spent all day at home yesterday waiting for the Internet guy, who never showed. (I understand this is not unusual here.) He didn’t give me a time. Even if he had, the traffic is so horrible and unpredictable there’s no telling when he'd actually show.

At least the water guy came. That means I no longer have to personally lug all my drinking and cooking water up 10 flights daily.

I also met with a potential Russian teacher. He seems to be big on grammar. (This is how they are all trained to teach Russian.) As I am still trying to figure out how to say: “I want some of this” to the butcher so we can eat. I’m not too keen on understanding various complicated verb tenses right now.

I’ll be waiting at home all day Friday too. I’ve got the cable guy coming and I’m making anther stab at getting my Internet installed. With no TV, radio, newspaper or Internet, I have no idea what’s going on in the world. As long as my day is devoted to waiting, I also scheduled my new drier to be delivered. Our Settling In services ordered it for me locally through the Internet, which is how many Russians buy appliances.

Of course, the washing machine is still broken. I had to rinse the soap out of the clothes that were in the washer, wring them out and put them on the drying rack. So I had this cheap rack full of wet t-shirts sitting in my oversized bathtub in our over-the-top mirrored, columned, stone bathroom. It was quite the contrast.

The clothes dried so stiff, they can practically stand up by themselves, but at least they are clean. I have ever increasing piles of dirty clothes in the fourth bedroom. I had planned to make it the study, but I need a laundry room more.

Tales of a Russian Housewife

Here’s what I did on my first day as a Russian housewife:

Skipped the American Women’s group’s weekly “Understanding Russia” meeting. I will have to get cultured AFTER I get more settled.

Reviewed the manuals on operating the washing machine, iron, hot water pot and hand-held shower nozzle.

Called the real estate agent to inquire about the broken microwave, missing gate remote, broken doorbell, missing curtains and replacement chandeliers. Was promised it would all be taken care of this week. I asked directions to the dumpster, but neither she nor the landlord knows. I asked about the missing rental furniture. She said it will be delivered today.

Called and ordered water delivery and a dispenser. Must give the driver $100 in cash for deposits and water.

Arranged to have an Electrolux “drying machine” delivered Friday. Must give the driver $575 in cash.

Made an appointment to get my hair cut and colored Wednesday. They take credit cards!

Arrange to have our “settling in” services meet me at the Metro near their office to have a Russian speaker take me to buy a long distance phone card, a mobile phone and set up my mobile phone service. They will let me know if I have to bring cash for the phone. I asked about grocery stores and ATMS in my area. They will get back to me on that.

Walked to Diane’s and borrowed her drying rack. She didn’t know about local ATMS but gave me directions to a grocery store.

Set up the drying rack at my apartment. Did four loads of washing before the washing machine broke. Reviewed the manual which says the line is plugged.

Found the grocery. Along with the usual market stuff, it had an ATM, bakery, frozen foods, meat department, a very limited selection of fresh produce and housewares. Told the store butcher in Russian that I wanted 1 kilo of stroganoff meat. I bought the maximum amount of groceries I could carry home (three heavy bags). Found a short cut home.

Covered the master bedroom windows with the aluminum foil I bought at the store to give us privacy until the curtains arrive.

Decided to make brownies from my Giradeli mix. Had to give up as the oven instructions were in German and Russian only. (The oven has 10 function knobs, so it’s not just a matter of turning it on and converting Farenheit to Centigrade.)

Bought water from the small liquor store in my building to tie me over.

Chatted with my Russian neighbor next door who speaks English. She directed me to the dumpster.

Took two loads of trash to the dumpster.

Gave Taylor feedback on his English homework assignment.

Made beef stew, our first home cooked meal in the apartment. Larry called to tell me he had business and wouldn’t be home for dinner. The stew could have used some thickening. (I don’t have any flour yet.) Despite that, I was gratified Taylor ate three helpings, along with the bakery croissants.

Remaining rental furniture never showed.

Running the Dishwasher and Other Achievements

I’m sitting up on the ledge of my kitchen window, overlooking the Moscow River. Across the way, the Foreign Ministry building is shrouded in clouds, looking like a set on a Tim Burton movie.

It’s been a hectic day. We checked out of the hotel this morning, putting the $20,000 bill on our credit card. It took us two trips to get all our stuff to the apartment. Once unloaded, we drove to Mega Mall where we went to Techno, which is the Russian equivalent of Best Buy.

The cheapest place to buy appliances is Gorbushka, the appliance market. It consists of many tiny stores where you have to negotiate the price and pay with cash. Because we need, basically, everything, we elected to get the minimum at Techno. We picked out a toaster, hot water pot, coffee bean grinder and an iron. We’ll go to Gorbuska next weekend for a DVD player, printer and a mixer.

Taylor selected a clock radio from a locked display case. All the clock radios, were there. I flagged down a worker, pointed out the clock and he came back about five minutes later with some kind of paper and pointed toward the front of the store.

We also looked at dryers. While this place had over 50 models of washing machine and washer/dryer combos, we couldn’t find any dryers. Larry blew on his hand to show the salesperson what we wanted. It turns out they had only 3 dryers. Only one did not need ventilation and it cost over $2,000. We’ll have to try Gorbuska for that too.

We checked out, paying with plastic. I pointed to my clock radio paper and asked, “G’dia?” (where). The cashier pointed to a very busy counter beyond the register. It looked as if they were doing returns because there were lots of open boxes. As we watched, we realized these were new purchases. The people brought their purchases to this counter. The clerks opened the boxes to make sure all the parts were there. They removed the warrantee card and stamped it with three different stamps, I guess to validate it.

I was fighting my way to the front of the counter (Russians don’t believe in standing in line), when the clock radio sales guy came up and indicated he wanted the receipt. He took it and a few minutes later, came back with the clock radio. It’s a good thing it works because I was not going to spend 15 minutes pushing my way in to get the warrantee stamps for my $20 purchase.

After that we made the mistake of hauling all our purchases and heavy coats through Ikea, which was packed. We could have waited on everything we found there: some slippers for Taylor, a corkscrew, 4 sets of wooden hangers, and a bunch of scented candles. Oh, and we had to buy the sacks in which to haul it all out.

Completely exhausted, Larry and I made a kamikaze run to Obi where in two aisles, I got an ironing board, broom, mop and dustpan. On the same aisle, I found cleaning products labeled in English. I picked up some kitchen cleanser, dishwasher detergent, plastic scrubbers, and dishwasher rinse aid--a big score for the 15 minute time investment.

Back at the apartment, I reviewed the GB (Great Britian) instructions for the dishwasher. I loaded the salt dispenser as directed and picked a midrange hardness level for the water. I put in the rinse aid and detergent, programmed my choice of cycle and ran the dishes!

While I may have clean dishes, I still have no food. Taylor and I walked down to McDonalds across from the metro station (about 8 minutes away) and brought back dinner. We passed a small store on the way where I bought a tiny loaf of bread and some “O” shaped things that looked like mini-bagels. We ate the Os after dinner and they were very good, sort of like crispy homemade pretzels without the salt.

While the traffic on the embankment is still buzzing by, I am slowing down. I am too tired to read up on either the steam shower but I already know how to take a hot bath, so that’s what I’m going to do.

Getting In

Turning over the apartment was a process that took three hours. Between the landlord’s elderly mother, their rental agent and our rental agent, the conversation was spirit and noisy. It was like walking into some large extended Italian family squabble where everyone is yelling at the same time. Alec had sent me an article about Russian manners so this wasn’t unexpected.

Although I had gone over my curtain requirements for the apartment, we spent another hour on this issue. Then we spent about 30 minutes on the curtains for the doors. (They put in lovely doors to each bedroom with frosted glass panes surrounded by a half inch of clear glass so you can see right in!)

Next grandma tried to convince me that the two hydra headed-like ultra modern chandeliers we wanted replaced should stay. She lost that battle. Grandma and I were by that time conversing directly in Spanish, which we both speak on a highly limited basis.

About that time the Internet guy arrived and it took another hour with the realtor translating as I was deficient in two languages: Russian and high-tech speak. I gave him the equivalent of US$300 and he is suppose to come back Tuesday and install a high speed wireless system. Since the entry, living room, dining room and kitchen are all open, it will work there and in the guest bedroom, which is diagonal to the entry. It will probably work in the study. The walls are so thick here, it will not work anywhere else. The monthly Internet bill will have to be paid in person in cash, like everything else here.

My bank limits ATM withdrawls to $200 daily, so I have am constantly stockpiling cash until I can request they up that amount.

When the Internet guy left, the rental furniture delivery arrived. Large trucks are prohibited in town, so they brought only half of it. They unloaded and left, saying they’d be back in 90 minutes. As it was a 20 minute walk through the freezing snow back to the hotel, I opted to stay at the apartment. FOUR HOURS later, after a myriad of phone calls, I finally got word they had wrecked the truck on the way back to my apartment.

So I am waiting around again today. They and the airship are both suppose to be here between 12 and 4 p.m. It’s 2 p.m. now and I haven’t seen or heard from anyone. (With luck, at least one of them will be here by 7 tonight.) I sent Tay out to scavenge the neighborhood for lunch for us. Larry is working back at the hotel where he very wisely has kept both our rooms in the very likely possibility that one or both of these deliveries won’t make it.

I may not have dishes or linens yet. But I finally have an address and a home phone number.

Delivered

Unbelievably, both the airshipment and the rest of the rental furniture arrived today. The rental furniture all had to be assembled, so the guys were there from 2 p.m. to 7 p.m., with the requisite forgetting of some part for which they had to drive back.

I was completely relieved to find the "yellow" leather sofa and loveseat were in fact, buttercream. The teak colored coffee table I ordered was replaced by a chrome and glass one and the teak headboard was also replaced with chrome. Two nightstand tables and chest for our bedroom didn't show up at all. Overall, not bad.

The 10 boxes constituting our airship arrived intact. Taylor unwrapped everything and I put it away. I loaded up the brand new Bosch dishwasher and read the directions on operations. That's when I realized the "dishwashing" soap I'd hoped I'd bought was really dishwasher salt. (An understandable mistake as the package was all in Russian.) I will need the salt for the dishwasher anyway, but I need to know the hardness level of the water first. I have no idea how to tackle that one.

Our dual voltage TV arrived in one piece. It had only been wrapped in paper. I forgot to ship the remote. We will see it again in late January when our sea shipment arrives or in three years when we get everything out of storage.

Drying Out

I need to buy a dryer. Larry thought the small machine tucked inside a kitchen cabinet in our new apartment was a combination washer/dryer. Turns out it is only a washer.

I have no idea where I will put this dryer once I get it. Most expats keep their washers and dryers in their bathrooms. As it less than three feet square and doesn’t need any ventilation, you can stick it anywhere. A cheap one cost about $400 (cash, only please).

My friend Diane also had to buy a drier. Her husband chose their apartment. When they moved in, Diane pointed out they had no drier. Her husband insisted there was one somewhere as the apartment flyer listed a drier. When they asked the agent, she pulled out a wooden drying rack!

The Abuelo and Me

Turning over the apartment was a process that took three hours. Between the landlord’s elderly mother, their rental agent and our rental agent, the conversation was spirit and noisy. It was like walking into some large extended Italian family squabble where everyone is yelling at the same time. Alec had sent me an article about Russian manners so this wasn’t unexpected.

Although I had gone over my curtain requirements for the apartment, we spent another hour on this issue. Then we spent about 30 minutes on the curtains for the doors. (They put in lovely doors to each bedroom with frosted glass panes surrounded by a half inch of clear glass so you can see right in!)

Next grandma tried to convince me that the two hydra headed-like ultra modern chandeliers we wanted replaced should stay. She lost that battle. Grandma and I were by that time conversing directly in Spanish, which we both speak on a highly limited basis.

About that time the Internet guy arrived and it took another hour with the realtor translating as I was deficient in two languages: Russian and high-tech speak. I gave him the equivalent of US$300 and he is suppose to come back Tuesday and install a high speed wireless system. Since the entry, living room, dining room and kitchen are all open, it will work there and in the guest bedroom, which is diagonal to the entry. It will probably work in the study. The walls are so thick here, it will not work anywhere else. The monthly Internet bill will have to be paid in person in cash, like everything else here.

My bank limits ATM withdrawls to $200 daily, so I have am constantly stockpiling cash until I can request they up that amount.

When the Internet guy left, the rental furniture delivery arrived. Large trucks are prohibited in town, so they brought only half of it. They unloaded and left, saying they’d be back in 90 minutes. As it was a 20 minute walk through the freezing snow back to the hotel, I opted to stay at the apartment. FOUR HOURS later, after a myriad of phone calls, I finally got word they had wrecked the truck on the way back to my apartment.

So I am waiting around again today. They and the airship are both suppose to be here between 12 and 4 p.m. It’s 2 p.m. now and I haven’t seen or heard from anyone. (With luck, at least one of them will be here by 7 tonight.) I sent Tay out to scavenge the neighborhood for lunch for us. Larry is working back at the hotel where he very wisely has kept both our rooms in the very likely possibility that one or both of these deliveries won’t make it.

I may not have dishes or linens yet. But I finally have an address and a home phone number.

No Teeth

I dreamt I was slowly losing my teeth. At first they were falling out in ones and twos and then they were coming out in sections. I was only left with my front teeth and people had trouble understanding what I said (like in Russia). Finally, I was completely toothless (i.e, powerless). Just when I think I’m handling everything okay, my subconscious pops up to put me in touch with what’s really going on inside me.

Taylor loves living in a hotel. He likens it to having his own apartment—his own apartment with room service, housekeeping, laundry and turndown service. While Larry keeps his hotel rooms organized with a specific place for every item, Taylor’s room looks like two large suitcases just exploded in it. He won’t get away with that at our apartment, perhaps why he isn’t enthused about moving!

Minks and Mustard

Diane and I spent all day at Mega Mall, a large shopping mall outside of town. We started by going to Stockman's, a Swedish based grocery catering to expats. Diane was thrilled to find both yellow mustard and Worsteshire sauce. I was happy to see flour tortillas.

The fruits and vegetables were all larger or smaller than in the U.S. They had great big zuccini, bell peppers and avocados and tiny heads of lettuce, bananas and pineapples.

In the mall, Diane found a mink coat in the style and price range she wanted. It took about 45 minutes to get the credit card company to approve it. (She has a $50k limit and pays off her account monthly, but apparently all the heavy usage in Moscow didn't look good to them and they initially declined her $3,000 coat purchase.)

We also went to Obi, which is sort of a combination of Walmart's housewares and Home Depot. Diane bought a step ladder, curtains and a humidifier as she has trouble sleeping. (She's a Houston girl.)

We also went to Ikea, which has prices so low, regular Russians can afford to shop there. I bought sheets that I think will fit the metric size rental beds we have coming. I saw a lot of other stuff we'll need but I didn't want to move all that stuff from the hotel to the apartment, so I decided to wait until we got the keys.

The good news is, that's tomorrow. The bad news is our airship is still in customs, so it can't be delivered until Monday. Still, the time at the hotel is coming to an end.

International Bizzare

I went to the International Women's Bazaar. Each country donates goods which are sold at their booth and all funds go to support IWC's various Russian charities. It was wall to wall people, mostly women. Some cultures thought it was appropriate to push and shove your way through so we all got knocked around. Not very condusive to shopping.

I bought some wines from Italy and South Africa but not much else. I really like to buy my souveneers as souveneers. They were three deep at the American booth where I spotted Tootsie Rolls, which aren't sold here. I bought Tay a small package. He later wanted to know why I didn't buy "all of them." They were also selling cream of tartar which has only lately become available here.

The bazaar featured a silent auction that turned very ugly as two women fought over who had the last bid on a gift basket. I thought they were going to come to blows. I had dropped out of the bidding about 2 hours earlier as everything was priced way too high by then. They also had to deal with an overly large Russian when his girlfriend's bid was thrown out for not being a multiple of $5. (No benefits of the doubt for having difficulty opperating in your second language!)